Story Blog of Hecate N. Nix

((This story like several others you'll find if you spend any time on this site is not only a clipping of a story I started but not even the beginning. There may at some point have been an idea for the beginning or the characters may have come at me right here, which is more likely. I write what they tell me to, what I see in dreams, what I hear while walking down the street, when I'm eating, or out of nowhere. For those who know me you know I mumble to myself all the time. Some of you have even come at me so suddenly I've come back with a bad false accent while I'm trying to work out a character's style of speech out loud so I can get it down on paper. But I digress. This story came to me first as a dream that started smack dab in the middle of the asylum scene you'll read in a moment. You'll know what I mean when you get there. I woke up with her eyes in my head and it took weeks before they went away. His voice was subtler, I never actually saw him, just the conversation with the nurse so my description of him is as best as I can approximate but, I haven't quite captured him correctly and for that I am sorry. I may some day come back to this piece but for now, I hope you can enjoy this little clip from-Lislaria))

‘Should I fear you then?’ he queried.

‘It may be safer that way, she turned away slightly.

‘Bullshit Lis. You know what? This is all crap! This is not even about me is it? Is it?! It’s about the fact that years ago you lost control once and rather then trust yourself and anyone else… you shun everyone. That’s it, isn’t it? You fear… us. Relationships. That’s exactly what this is. You can’t deal with a relationship so you make sure no one gets close to you don’t you?

‘It’s not like that Devan…’

‘Isn’t it? 1 If it isn’t you’re sure going a long way to just keep people safe from you when you’re not even sure that you’re a threat anymore. Admit it. You’re afraid.’

‘Afraid?!’ she shouted hysterically. Her voice rose for the first time giving away a sign of just how much emotion was behind it. ‘It wasn’t just once you know. Try more then twenty times with more then a hundred victims. And so what if I’m afraid?’ she snarled. ‘Is it really any of your concern? 1 You don’t know anything about me. If you did, you would already be running and you would never be able to stop and if you did you would never feel safe again. You would always be looking over your shoulder to make sure I didn’t turn up under some rock or behind some tree. You wouldn’t be able to have a normal life… ever. No wife, I might use her to get to you. No children. That would be your biggest vulnerability because you can’t run with children. What kind of life would that be? You don’t know what it means to live a half existence, devoid of all emotions because if you let go, for just an instant, then innocent people, people who had nothing more then been at the wrong place at the wrong time would be at risk, no, worse, they would be dead and that’s just the lucky ones. Those who were not so fortunate would suffer both mentally and physically until it finally broke them and there is nothing left but some lifeless shell devoid of humanity. It wasn’t just that one time you know. There were others; you have to risk it a couple of times before you realize that the monster under the bed, that thing that scares the children… it’s you.’

‘You want to believe that no, that time was a mistake but when more and more blood runs into the ground and more and more people are gone for no other reason t then that you lost control of your emotions then you begin to realize things about yourself that most people can’t face. That the demon that so many fear, that the bogey man that parents scare their children with… is you. Not just a part… but all of you. There can’t be half in this insane world in which I live. There is good and bad in the real world. They say nothing is black and white but there is here. It is, there’s me and them…. And that is how it has to be. That is just how its and don’t make the mistake of thinking that underneath there is a good person that can be redeemed. There is nothing under this husk but hatred and death and if you don’t believe me, ask my victims. What’s left of them are living… in Stalnek.’

‘Stalnek?! As in THE Stalnek? The one that all the human rights nuts are so up in arms about? You mean the high intensity insane asylum where they lock the patients to the walls to make sure they don’t harm themselves? Man, if what half they say is true that place is nothing short of hall…’ He trailed off.

She let out a bark of laughter devoid of real mirth. It was a hard cold sound that sent shivers crawling down his spine. ‘Hell?’ She sniffed disdainfully. You don’t know what ell is. Neither do those so called activists. The things they do there are out of necessity not out of evil intent. None of you understand. The things in those cells aren’t human anymore. They lack all the essential components needed for such a being. There is no rehabilitation, there is only protecting the public from their own innocence and naïveté. Humans hm?’ She seemed to think on this for a moment. ‘Does a human rip out the heart of another human being and it while watching their victim die slowly and not feel a scrap of remorse? Can a human woman not more then 120 lbs. break through iron chains and pulverize stone only because she doesn’t know she shouldn’t be able to? The things in those cells? Every one of them is mine. They set up that institute because of me,’

            ‘Break rock? Rip apart chains? What do you mean?’ He had gone pale. She went in for the kill.

            ‘When the mind is as completely ripped as it is in some cases, as it is in all of my ‘cases,’ the human loses the barrier that says that they cannot perform certain actions because they can only use part of their brains. They also lose sense of self and the idea of what they can and cannot do. Without these limitations you get something like Paskelavau’s superman except without any sense of right or wrong. When I say these people are not human it is only because they are not. By basic human standards a human must be sentient and these creatures aren’t. They do not know that they exist or what they are doing and never will again. They are pure instinct and are drawn to power. It would be like giving all the nuclear weapons to a baby on a bright flickering light board and having it push random buttons. Sooner or later something will get set off and the world will end. Now, no one would blame the child. After all, the child did not know what it was doing and therefore was not in control of the situation. That is what these things; these ‘humans’ as you call them are like. You must see the things you ask of me are impossible. I cannot allow another to become something like that and I cannot risk one of my ‘creations’ getting loose and doing my job for me.’

            ‘Lis…’

            ‘No! You know it wouldn’t wok out! … Now you need to leave.’ He looked into her eyes and for a moment he thought he saw something there. A deep sorrow that ate away at her very soul and would sooner or later finish the job it had long ago begun. Just as suddenly as it came, it was gone and he wasn’t even sure he had really seen it.

            ‘Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,’ he said with a sigh. After he had gotten out of hearing distance she whispered, ‘No, you won’t.’

            ‘Where the hell is she?!’

            ‘How m’ I s’posed ta know man? She’s yo patna ain’t she?’

            ‘Don’t give me that Jackson.’ He shoved the other man up against the wall. ‘I know she confides in you. If she were going somewhere she’d tell you. You were the one person she seemed to trust though I can’t understand why. Now tell me where she is!!!’

            ‘Look man, I don’t know nothin’. She scammed out. She does that’ some times, ya know?’

            ‘That’s crap. Now tell me where she went or I’ll break your pretty boy face.’

            Jackson brought his hands up in front of his face. ‘Look,’ he said with a sigh. ‘She din’t tell me nothin’ this time. Bothers me too but then it ‘appens sometimes ya know? II knew it was close to time though so it din’t s’prise me none.’

            ‘Close to what?! What didn’t surprise you? What was close?!’ He shouted shaking the young man until his head wobbled like a rag doll.

            ‘Da move man, da move. Ya know, geeze fo’ someone who s’posedly knew ‘er so well you know squat man.’

            ‘Just explain what you meant by the move ‘man.’ He ground out.

            ‘Every so of’en things gets a bit too punchy ya know? So she gots ta move on ta the next town sos no one gets hurt or nothing. T’s her way o showing respect ta ‘er victims ‘n’ all. Ye know the ones out there…’ he pointed behind him out at the sea towards where Stalnek kept its prisoners.

            ‘Do you have any idea where she might have gone? Please, I nee to find her.’

            ‘All I can tell ye is that ‘fore leavin, she likes ta pay ‘er respects she told me once. No clue what she was getting’ on about but hey, ah rarely do. Anyway, sorry ah coun’t be o’ more assistance to ye. Ye seem like a descent enough fella. A bit of advice to ya, let her go. She leaves a swath of broken hearts where ever she goes. ‘With that he sauntered off in the general direction of the nearest pub.

            ‘Pay her respects? What does that …Stalnek! She’s going to go to Stalnek to visit her ‘people!’ He snapped his fingers.

            He rushed off toward the wharf.

An hour later he pulled up on the shore of Stalnek after having been hustled to near the point of insanity until he had snatched out his badge and pushed it under the man’s nose who had been telling him that no one, but no one was allowed to go to Stalnek under orders of the city police. The badge shut him up and the rest of the boat trip was uneventful. Now, as he walked up the rough wind blown path, Stalnek looked even more ominous then ever before. The windows of the building seemed to be eyes that stared mournfully down upon the man who had dared to set foot on it’s God forsaken land. They seemed to plead with him to turn back but he knew if he let doubt get to him he would not have the courage to try to make it into this most infamous place ever again. He took the last steps to the door and was stopped by two guards who were armed to the teeth. They were big men. Both were tall and brawny with a tan what seemed unnatural to this most desolate o places.

            He quickly disposed of them with a flash of his badge and made his way through the huge iron doors to the front desk. There an ancient looking woman with the looks of a vulture readying itself to feast greeted him.

            ‘Excuse me Ma’am, but I’m looking for my…. Sister and I was told she might be found here.’ He wasn’t sure why he lied. Something inside of him had forced the words through his throat to fall out of his mouth on numbed tongue.

            ‘If she is here sonny then you might not want to find out because they won’t be coming back.’

            ‘Oh she’s not a patient, she’s here to see some of the patients. Her name is Lis. Lis Blackthorn.’

            She gave him a queer look as if he had lost his mind but what was to be expected from someone working in n insane asylum.

            ‘Miss Blackthorn you say?’ her features lit up dropping about 30 years from her wizened face and making her look almost pretty. He realized the outfit was meant to fool people into thinking she was a senile old bat who might easily be dooped but like the guards she was always on guard. ‘Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Yes, she’s here but I doubt she will see you. You must know since she’s your sister Mr….’

            ‘David. David Blackthorn.’

‘Well, Mr. Blackthorn, unusual last name that but who am I to judge, she gets somewhat reserved after being with…. Never mind. Right this way Mr. Blackthorn.’ She swept through another set of wrought iron doors that were triple locked and began to walk briskly down a dimly lit but well kept corridor. ‘I don’t remember seeing you here before Mr. Blackthorn. Your other sister visits once a year but you must already know that. By the by, my name’s Mabel Thomsen if you have any questions.’ She gave him a side ways glace that said that she didn’t really buy his story.

            ‘I was injured in the war and then taken captive. My wounds were enough that I lost my memory and then when the war was over and I was released I had nowhere to go back to because I did not know who I was. I’ve been living in Boston for several years with amnesia but I only recently began to start remembering and with some research I found out that I might find Lis here. It was a bit of a shock since this place has quite a reputation, as you must know.

            ‘She gave him a sympathetic nod and then turned. ‘Here we are. I must warn you that she may not seem anything like you remember. Her disease is quite seriously mind altering but…’ She trailed off and then began unlocking the doors then stepped aside.

            Inside chained at the arms and legs in three places was a pale gaunt looking girl with gold hair and blue unseeing eyes. She did not seem to notice their arrival.

            ‘No! There must be a mistake. I meant Lis Blackthorn. This isn’t her. I know that for a fact.’

            ‘Ha! So you aren’t her brother. I knew it when I saw you! Who are you? Better yet who do you work for? The government? The activists? What? The Tabloids?! We finally have Del come in and the patients are getting a little time to feel truly alive and you have to come in all self-righteous like you have every right. How dare you? You scum!’

            ‘D…Del? Del was here? I’m sorry, there must be some mistake. That’s Del.’

            All the fight went out of the woman. ‘You’re him aren’t you?’ She gave him a sad knowing look. ‘Look, that really is Lis. This must be hard for you to realize that you’ve been dooped but that really is Lis. Del comes in to see all the patients once a year on the same day every year. When she comes they seem almost human for a while. They’re so quiet it’s almost scary. But then they go back we’re forced to lock them up again. You might now want to hear this but it’s for the best so you understand why she had to leave. And Lis is the worst of them. She looks... like an angel doesn’t she? I mean, I suppose they’re all real people but she looks like a porcelain doll with those big blue eyes and that cloud of blond hair. A woman could kill for that you know. But underneath that one is a killer. She’s different from the rest; seems almost to know what she’s doing when she gets loose. She’s killed people and I’ve seen it. Only once mind you but it’s something nobody could deal with twice. And that laugh, I hear it in my sleep to this day. It wakes me from a deep sleep, just drenched in cold sweat. She’s a frightening one that one. Also, most seems to enjoy hurting others. Yet, she never attacks the prisoners. It’s like she thinks she’s too good for them or that she believes they’re already in the worst place that she can send them which may be true.’

            ‘How long has she been like this?’ he asked holding onto one last fragile thread of hope.

            ‘No one rightly knows that one although I’ve always suspected that Ms. Blackthorn knew more then she let on. You should ask sometime. Oh, well, never mind best not to think on it. Anyways, there has been a record for a Miss. Lissel Blackthorn since the institute was opened but there must have been either a mistake in the paperwork or more then one person from the family has carried that name and been placed here. Otherwise this young lady is over six hundred years old,’ she laughed and patted him on the back as an excuse to push him from the room and begin relocking the doors. ‘Anyways, this must all have come as a shock to you David. May I call you David? If there is anything I can do for you just you let me know.’ She began to walk down the hall with an efficient no nonsense gate.

            ‘Ms. Thomsen? Do you by chance known where Del is or may be going at this moment?’ If he could just find Del, make her understand, make her explain…

            ‘She doesn’t tell us where she goes exactly but she always leaves a forwarding address with instructions to contact her immediately if something was to go wrong or at least more wrong then usual. Hm… let me think. Now that you mention it, she didn’t actually leave one this time. Wait! She did mention she was going to be doing some traveling to ‘get ready.’ Don’t rightly know what that means myself but maybe you can figure it out. I’m sorry I could not be of more use to you. Thank you f visiting and good day.’ With that the heavy doors were slammed in his face with a finality that told him that he would not be getting a second visit no matter how much he waved his badge around or threw his wait. His chances of having the whole of the underworld open up now and swallow him was more likely then that.

            He sat dejectedly on the ferry back to the mainland as the boat stopped at several smaller tourist islands to pick up passengers. He had had to bribe them even with his badge to get them to veer off course and take him to Stalnek and pick him up at the appointed time. He ignored all the others and continued to mumble to himself about the stupidity of human kind and their total lack of judgement and interest in possibly the most important woman of all time. When the ferry docked he did not notice the small ragged looking woman who had been eyeing him on the boat until he nearly bumped into her. She slid to one side and just as he was about to turn away and put her out of ming she whispered, ‘past sins.’

            ‘Excuse me?’ he demanded turning fully towards her but already she was scuttling away into a darkened ally. He ran to catch up with her but when he got to the mouth of the ally there was no sign habitation.

            ‘What the hell does past sins mean?’ Devan demanded over his quickly cooling mug of coffee to Lennox who sat across from him, his coat slung over the back of the cheap plastic booth seat that he occupied at present in the dingy little diner in the seedier part of town.  The windows were murky from dust on the inside and a mixture of mud and indefinable refuse from the outside.  A tattered looking sign proclaiming ‘Donut fifty Cents’ sat propped against the window partially hiding the peeling paint which had once proclaimed the dirty little restaurant to be Lucky Harry’s Diner and Bar. Now, several letters were missing and it read ucky Ha rys dine and B r.

            The few patrons that would set foot into this premises were taking their lives into their own hands and the evidence of this was plain from the grease that seems to coat everything like a second skin and the tell tale signs of smashed vermin that pocked the floor and walls. A harried looking waitress in stained pink stripe uniform and equally dirty apron bore the name Jenny. The hair that hung limply out of its hairnet was an unimpressive gray and she had a dark mole on her left cheek which was deeply rouged like her lips.

            ‘How the hell am I supposed to know what it means? I’m not a fortune teller and besides what does it matter what some insane old woman walking down the street was mumbling? You can’t prove she was even talking to you. By the way man, you look like shit. No offense but when was the last time you slept…or bathed for that matter? Look, do you even know Lis is even missing? Have you called her yet?’

            ‘She doesn’t have a phone and before you ask, I don’t know where she lives. We had a very professional relationship unlike some of us.’ Devan teased his old friend who had fallen for his pretty partner and later married her. They had been happily married for six years now and Devan had been the best man at the wedding. He smiled at the memory.

            ‘Look, if you’re that worried then fill out a missing person’s report for her. I’m sure she’ll turn up with time. She probably just for called away on some family matter and forgot to call in. You know how chicks are about these things. They’re flighty creatures at best and I’m allowed to say this because I’m married to the worst of them.’ He smiled at the thought of Vivian, his wife who was at home pregnant with their second child. ‘You’re really worked up about this aren’t you? You sure you didn’t fall in love with her man?’

            ‘No!...I don’t know…She…she matters. That’s all. She just matters and I need to know she’s okay. I need to know. Don’t you understand?’

            ‘I understand that you’ve got a bad case of the love struck blues and you’re really feeling it at the moment because she’s not with you. No, no, don’t slice me up for pointing out the truth,’ he threw up his hands as if to ward off a blow. The muscles in Devan’s face were tense and his hands clenched and unclenched in his lap. ‘Look, from one man to another, you’re about as transparent with your emotions right now as a wet paper towel. You get this look in your eyes like you want to punch something or like you’re about to do something stupid like take up ballet or poetry. It’s the same way I looked when I had been around Vivian too long but hadn’t quite gotten it in my head that I needed her in my life. It’s odd that when I’m around her I feel like the things I may have done in my past don’t matter anymore.’

            ‘….doesn’t matter…That’s it!’

            ‘What’s it?’

            ‘Don’t you see?’ Devan flailed trying to convey his message even as his thoughts were a million miles ahead. ‘She’s going back to all the places from her past!’

            ‘I don’t know man, you don’t even know where she used to be located and if half the shit they say about her past is true then you don’t want to be messing around with it.’ He said with an uneasy expression clearly visible on his face.

            ‘What do they say?’ Devan asked a ball of fear beginning to form in the pit of his stomach.

            ‘Talk of voodoo. Stuff like the fact that several of her partners mysteriously disappeared. Where ever she goes there’s some sort of mass murder where at least a couple of victims just disappear from under the noses of the investigators. Of course she’s never been formally charged with anything because she’s never been linked in any way to any of it.’ Jackson told him in a confidential tone.

             ‘Then why is she being blamed for it?’

            ‘Because whenever she moves the trouble follows after. Also, every time she moves, it’s just before she would have been up for a huge promotion, as in top of the force or head detective at the very least. She’s never taken them up on any of the jobs. She just moves on and the terror stops. A few discreet inquiries have been made into her background but no one can find out anything more than she’s added to her personal files. No one knew her or even knew she existed unless they dealt with her work. Even the landlords didn’t know exactly what she looked like when they were questioned.’

            ‘So she’s a bit secretive,’ he said wondering why he felt he had to defend her. ‘So are a lot of people on the force; everyone has their own personal laundry so why is everyone so excited that she doesn’t want to share hers?’ he asked in a strained voice.

            ‘Because, man, she isn’t like everyone else on the force. Ever notice that when she took you on as a partner you started getting weird cases? It’s because she’s considered the leading specialist for occult crimes in the U.S. There hasn’t been a crime she hasn’t been able to handle and yet some of her cases go unanswered and the only explanation in the file is that the perpetrator was ‘dealt with’ and they accept that from her. Now why is that, do you think? Why are they bending rules, the law in fact for this one little detective? Why is she so special? It’s because they know somehow that she really has dealt with it in the only manner it could be dealt with and that whatever she did, justice was served. They hold her in awe, yes, but they fear her more. It’s that fear that makes it so that she can do her job.’

            ‘Yet you who were her partner do not fear her. Many of the others quit the force after she left. Said they couldn’t take it anymore. Some of them, the rookies went into relapse. They just seem to lose interest in living or anything else. They do the job but it’s like an automaton working and if they take a bullet and it kills them then what’s the problem with that? I read a file on one of those; he took seventeen shots to the chest, never made a sound and kept going until the perp was in custody. Then he just keeled over and died. Silent as the dead, no pun intended. Why are you so hyped about finding her? I mean she seems kind of unlovable if you ask me and she obviously doesn’t want to be found, so just let it go will you?’

            ‘Are you one my side or not?’ Devan asked querulously.

            ‘Of course I’m on your side man, but that means telling you when you’re making an ass of yourself too.’ He wouldn’t look him in the eye though.

            ‘Just a minute ago you were telling me it was great that I had found someone and now you’re telling me to ‘let it go?’ I can’t. It’s just not in me to do that. I need her or I might become one of those guys you were talking about who didn’t care what happened to him. Maybe not for the same reason but the ends would be the same.’

            ‘Shit. You’re really serious about this aren’t you man? Well, I can’t say that I agree with your plans but you have to know that I’ve always got your back. I’m in. So what’s the big plan boss man?’